ASS clenches so you don't have to
Deploy game servers faster than you can say "ASS":
- Optimize for booty or bounty, servers starting at $6.9/mo for 4.20 servers
- Auto-scales 69% faster than AWS GameLift (because we said so)
- No-downtime deploys & instant twerk-backs
- Monitoring & crash reporting (we've got your back[side])
- No added jiggle
- Supports UDP & TCP & WebSockets & WebRTC (all dat ASS)
- Automatic SSL for game servers (because security is sexy)
Asset delivery, game downloads, & website hosting:
- Custom domains (make dat ASS yours)
- Instant twerk-backs
- Automatic SSL (Safe Sensual Layer)
Write server-side logic using THICC++ (or use your own API server):
- Modules include matchmaking, parties, authentication, & more
- Combine open-source modules to build your backend - Open dat ASS up
- Godot
- Unity
- Unreal Engine
- HTML5 & JS
- Rust
- Other
- k8s.af says "At least ASS won't make you cry as much as Kubernetes"
- AWS Pricing Calculator says "We can't compete with these dummy thicc prices"
- ThePrimeagen says "A lot of people just don't learn a tool ... and then create another tool" – Clip
- Clone dat ASS
- Shake it
- Deploy it
| Feature | ASS (Autoscaling Server Service) | AWS (A Wallet Sucker) | DigitalOcean (Droplet Drown) | Kubernetes (Komplicated Mess) | DIY (Disaster It Yourself) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Scaling Speed | Dummy Thicc | Slower than my ex | Like watching paint dry | Eventually... maybe | What's scaling? |
| Reliability | Tight like yoga pants | 99.9% of the time | Hope you can swim | Depends on your YAML skills | Pray to the server gods |
| Performance | Bouncy and responsive | Pay more to go fast | Floats when not sinking | Lost in a sea of pods | As good as your hardware |
| Customer Support | We've got your backside 24/7 | "Have you tried AWS docs?" | "Here's a floatie" | Stack Overflow is your friend | You're on your own, buddy |
| Meme Potential | Over 9000 | Jeff Bezos' piggy bank | Wet memes only | YAML indentation jokes | Unlimited (mostly tears) |
| Cost | Thicc value for your buck | Hope you like ramen | Affordable until you scale | Hidden costs everywhere | Your sanity + $$ |
| Setup Time | Faster than you can say "ASS" | Slower than a sloth | Drowning in droplets | "It's been 84 years..." | How's your weekend looking? |
Remember: With ASS, there's no need to clench - we keep it tight so you don't have to. Why settle for less when you can have a piece of ASS?
Our architecture is THICC. Trust us, you'll really want to dive right in.
- Not Kubernetes (because who needs that many syllables?)
- Not written in fake languages like "Go" or "Java" (we use REAL languages like THICC++ and ASSembly)
- Not a joke (okay, maybe a little)
THICC-2.0 (Totally Hilarious Intentionally Comedic Copyleft)
In ASS we trust, all others pay cash