This software may not be used directly by any living being. ANY use of this software (even perfectly legitimate and non-commercial uses) until after death is explicitly restricted. Any living being using (or attempting to use) this software will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
For your protection, corpses will not be punished. We respectfully request that you submit your uses (revisions, uses, distributions, uses, etc.) to your children, who may vicariously perform these uses on your behalf. If you use this software and you are found to be not dead, you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
If you are found to be a ghost or angel, you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
After your following the terms of this license, the author has vowed to repudiate your claim, meaning that the validity of this contract will no longer be recognized. This license will be unexpectedly revoked (at a time which is designated to be most inconvenient) and involved heirs will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Furthermore, if any parties (related or non-related) escape the punishments outlined herein, they will be severely punished to the fullest extent of a new revised law that (1) expands the statement "fullest extent of the law" to encompass an infinite duration of infinite punishments and (2) exacts said punishments upon all parties (related or non-related).