The original project was created by Bruce Ediger

Annoy bad actors with a fake, infinite web site!

If you've ever read your Apache log files, you know that much of the traffic to your website is just bots or spiders. Some spiders are from Good Actors, like Google, or Yahoo. Some spiders are set in motion by Bad Actors, and a lot of those Bad Actors deserve to be sent down a hole with no bottom.

Do you want to do this? Do you control an Apache web server? If so, bork.php can help you make SEO spammers and others believe that you have the world's bigget web site, all filled with original, colorful "content". Set up properly, bork.php can generate a new HTML file, a new image (GIF,JPEG or PNG), even a new robots.txt file on every single invocation. This can drive certain software to the edge of its abilities.

Yes, this is a dual-use technology. We're all adults here, aren't we?

Features

Delays a few seconds every time it's invoked.
Give a random "google-site-verification" code.
When called with .html URL suffix produces HTML. gif, jpeg, 'png' URL suffixes produce random images of the appropriate image format.
When retrieved as robots.txt, allows all User Agents for /, /porn, /private and a randomly-named URI. If you use bork.php, don't be surprised at the rubbish that shows up in your access_log file.
Produces random HTML, complete with "content" that includes Latin, B-list celebrities, condiments, and underwear teminology.
Produces random streams of binary bits for .torrent, .mp3, .gz URL suffixes.

Prerequisites

Apache httpd
mod_php or some other way of invoking PHP
mod_rewrite

mod_rewrite Configuration

One you have Apache, mod_php and mod_rewrite installed and working (which I grant can be difficult), you need to configure mod_rewrite to redirect incoming HTTP requests from notorious bad actors to bork.php.

RewriteCond %{HTTP_USER_AGENT} SomeUglyBot
RewriteRule  ^.*(\?.*)*$ /bork.php$1 [L]
RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} ^http://..*/bork.php
RewriteRule  ^.*(\?.*)*$ /bork.php$1 [L]

The first two lines cause any HTTP request with the string someUglyBot in its User Agent string to be satisfied by bork.php output. The last two lines allow you to try out bork.php yourself with a browser.

There's too many ways to configure Apache for me to tell you where to put this. But it does need to be either in httpd.conf or some file included by httpd.conf.

You replace SomeUglyBot by a string that appears in the User Agent of some organization that you want to mess with. I find that "AhrefsBot" and "MJ12bot" are two good candidate User Agent sub-strings.

Effects