(This is just a dump of an idea, I haven't started on this yet.)
- Runs custom blend of Android and iOS
- Simulates alternative speed of light (default: 100mph) and adjusts clock as phone accelerates
- Wireless
- Accelerometer detects when phone is in free fall and makes it scream
- When exposed to light, phone says "Hi!"
- FlightAware partnership: makes airplane noise when flights pass overhead
- Realistic case
- Clear screen
- Side-facing camera
- Always-on speaker
- Blood pressure reliever
- Auto-rotating case
- Ribbed
- Waterproof
- Googleable
- Cheek toucher
- Cries if lost
- Bug drawer
- Coin slot
- Scroll lock
- OS by StackOverflow®
- 3D materials
- Dog noticer
- Fitbit® fitness evaluator
- Volume and density control
- MaxHD: over 350 pixels per screen
- Boneless
- Ear screen
- Heartbeat accelerator
- MobilePay money clip
- Siri, or whoever it was we put in here
- Instead of being on surface only, screen goes all the way through
- TheKnot.com partnership: phone licensed to perform wedding ceremonies and does so at random
- Fingerprint randomizer
- USB E (hotswappable)
- Waterproof, but can drown
- Foretold by prophecy
- Runs natively
- Wristband
- Wireless discharging
- Magnetic stripe
- 2 AA batteries (not included)
- Subwoofer
- "Dog whistle"
- Non-porous, washable
- WebMD partnership: cough-activated feature reads aloud a random diagnosis for "coughing"
- Wings
- Beveled bezel
- Bezeled bevel
- Seedless
- Water resistant down to 30 meters and below 50
- Turing-complete
- Gregorian/Julian calendar switch
- SpaceX impact protection: when dropped, phone lands on barge
- Parallel port
- 12 headphone jacks
- Onboard cloud
- New BritghtGlow™ display incorporates genetically spliced jellyfish protein (should have used the glowing genes, not the stinging ones)
- ✓ certified
- Software-defined
- Exposed ductwork
- Voice interaction: Siri, Cortana, Google Now, and Alexa respond simultaneously
- 18,000 μAh nickel-lithium-iron battery (non-rechargeable)
- Bluetooth speaker
- Stained-glass display
- Gallium chassis remains solid up to 85°F
- Soundproof
- Can feel pain
- E-ZPass partnership: phone can be dropped into coin basket to pay tolls
- Foldable (once)
- Screen transfers images to skin
- Retina storage
- Background task automatically catches and eats Pokémon
- Supercuts partnership: trims hair fed into charging port
- Squelch knob
- IBM buckling-spring home button
- Cot-caught merge switch
- 60× optical zoom camera
- Loran navigation
- 28-factor authentication
- Hook shot
- 4k pixels (50×80)
- Radium backlight
- Sterile Packaging
- College-ruled
- Broad-spectrum SPF30
- Pre-seasoned
- Burns clean coal
- Includes applicator
- Fonts developed by NASA
- Shroud of Turin-style facial transfer lock
- High thread count CPU
- Screen goes past the edge
- Safe for ages 6-8 months, 10 months, 18 months to 3 years, and 12 years or older
- Wireless charging port
- Full-width rear camera
- CDC Partnership: Phone automatically administers seasonal flu vaccine to cheek every year
- 12-function
- Dishwasher safe
- GPS transmitter
- 3-G acceleration
- Portable, solar-heated
- Pore-cleaning strip
- Maximum strength
- Never needs sharpening
- Can survive up to 30 minutes out of water
- Exclusive Audubon Society app identifies birds and lets you control their flight