curl and jq.
These are really small and useful so they shouldn't be a problem even if you're trying to remain suckless.
$ pomf FILE
By default, pomf.space is used to host the file. Please edit the urls in the beginning of the shell script if you want to use another domain. Don't forget to use HTTPS.
I got the original script from https://gist.github.com/KittyKatt/5818701. Thanks to KittyKatt and the commenters there! All I did was some work on making it more portable, smaller, and more readable. Though I did add a dependency on jq.