This is going to be an online platform to play the one page RPG Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers. The game's orgin story is that it was concieved by Gregor Hutton and Myles Stenhouse while out at a pub. Gregor's name links to the page where the game instructions were origionally posted/hosted. however I've included the game instructions below as well as a preview of what the games going to look like.
Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers is a role-playing game about Big Mutherfuckin' Crabs, or Crab-People, some shit like that. Anyway, they're real fuckin' big. We're talking as big as a big mutherfuckin' trucker, maybe 300 lbs, but square, with beady fuckin' eyes, 8 legs and a pair of pincers as heavy as a bag of fuckin' plutonium clawhammers. Yeah, that fuckin' big and they truck. Yeah, they drive shit across the desert to please their Mutherfuckin' Crab Goddess and they truck in heavy chromed trucks with lots of fuckin' wheels, rasping engines and big ol cabs. The sorts of cabs that could fit 300 lb square, heavy mutherfuckin' crabs in it and they are the shit. So, why do they do it? It's in their fuckin' nature. When you're a big fuckin' crab drivin' a truck all day you get a lot of time to turn things over in your mind and listen to religious radio too. It gets you thinkin' about where you fit in on the great wheel of life and then you get religion and to a big mutherfuckin' crab, religion don't get much higher than the Mutherfuckin' Crab Goddess who resides on that wondrously beautiful and most sacred place: Crab Mountain, and what she says, goes. Word. If that's 3000 wedding dresses to a city you ain't never heard of by tomorrow night? Then that's what it fuckin' is. You will truck it there, and you will like it, and you will pull an all-day and all-night ride to fuckin' do it. You will fight off the rabid fuckin' cut-throats, thieves, cops and all-other-manner-of-dipshit crazies that line the road. Because those wedding dresses, or whatever the fuck it is that the Mutherfuckin' Crab Goddess said had to get there, got to get there. It's their destiny. And you're a big mutherfuckin' destiny maker, wrapped up in the body of a 300 lb mutherfuckin' crab.
Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers uses fuckin' d8s. There's one fuckin' simple reason for this: Myles wants it that way. He says that the Mutherfuckin Crab Goddess told him it had to be a d8 and you don't fuck with something that the Mutherfuckin' Crab Goddess tells you, ya know? So, get some fuckin' d8s, you're gonna fuckin' need them. There are a whole bunch of roles that the truckers need to do to get their shit done. So everyone playing Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers gets to pick one of these things. And they fuckin' do it. Then y'all work together to truck the shit despite all the trouble that comes your way. That's the way it's always been for as long as the Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers can remember.
You are the fuckin' driver. You take pride in your drivin'
and can pull most any crazy shit with your truck. Your job
is to keep the wheels moving and get the truck to its destination
- Drive! and three other fuckin' traits.
You are one mean angry Crab Mutherfucker for sure. You
have a surly demeanor and a shell full of weapons. Your job is to
protect the other truckers and lay the fuckin" shit down. Respect.
- Fight! and three other fuckin' traits
You are responsible for liftin the shit and pickin it up
when it falls out the truck. You have strength that is obscene even
for a big crab and you can flip the truck over at a push
- Lift! and three other fuckin' traits.
Make some shit up for your crab, or crab-man, whatever.
- Four fuckin' traits.
So how do you contest shit in Big Mutherfuckin' Crab Truckers? Good fuckin' question, junior. Here's fuckin' how:
When you are describing what your fuckin' Crab is doing and
someone says "No fuckin' way!" then you both roll the dice to see
who is fuckin' right. Highest wins. The default roll is 2d8, added
together, to give a score between 2 (terrible) and 16 (great).
These are things like Drive!, Fight!, Strong!, Sneaky!, Smart!
Quick! etc. If you have a relevant trait then roll an extra bonus
die for it. Then pick the highest two dice to add together.
When there are things to complicate matters they first of all cancel
out any bonus dice on a one-for-one basis. So, if there was a lot
of smoke making visibility poor it would first of all cancel out a
bonus die on a roll to drive the truck. And if the road was slick
with oil then that would cancel out another fuckin' bonus die.
If there are no more bonus dice to cancel then the complicatior
gives a Penalty die. Roll one more d8 and pick the lowest two
The GM just rolls 2 fuckin' dice every time. That's the rules. So
if the GM says "No fuckin' way" to something they roll 2d8. No
bonuses or penalties apply to the GM's dice. That's fuckin' it.